In and Out

Did you ever feel like you were caught in a revolving door?  That’s the way every day is when you have lost someone close to you. Someone you love with every fiber of your being. Yesterday was mostly calm, peaceful and happy, but today a bank teller said to me, “I heard that you just lost your husband.  I am so sorry.  Please accept my deepest sympathy.”  I thanked her profusely and held back the tears until our business was over and I was out.

Why tears?  You might ask that question if you have never experienced such an event. So please don’t stop offering condolences to even total strangers.  It is a loving gesture and will be accepted as such, if not at this moment, at least a later time. 

I have received a lot of loving gestures.  I was in a deep state of shock and don’t remember much of Bill’s memorial service.  All I know is that when I see a flag-draped coffin or a Bugler or Honor Guard on TV I crumble in tears and deep grief.  I remind myself that I am still alive and need to stay mentally sharp. 

In an effort to stay sane and keep my mind from deteriorating while being as active as possible, I have committed to taking ALL of the online courses offered by Dallas Theological Seminary.  The course I am currently taking suggests reading a trio of books by Nathan Holsteen and Michael Sivgel titled Exploring Christian Theology and aimed at teaching us how we know the Bible is true and how we can convey that to others. 

I was struck by a passage I read today that directed me to Revelation 21.  John saw the Holy City coming down from God out of heaven and then John heard a great voice saying, “Behold the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, (WOW) and they shall be His people, and God Himself shall be with them, and be their God. 

By the time I got to verse 3, I was feeling like John was talking directly to me.  I have wondered what it is like where Bill is and where I will someday be as well.  And then in verse 3, I read “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; AND THERE SHALL BE NO MORE DEATH, neither sorrow, NOR CRYING, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” 

By now you know I am a believer in Jesus Christ, the Son of God.  I believe I will be with Bill again.  I believe my days of crying will be over.  I believe that God has a purpose. 

I believe I am almost through the revolving door and ready to be used by The Almighty Father!

Max says sleeping helps him most.  

 

Turning It Around

Out of desperation I have tried a lot of different ways to soothe my pain and grief.  For the first two months the stress was unbearable.  I was crying and literally agonizing most of every day. Then I woke up one morning just before Thanksgiving and was struck by a truth that in my pain I had been missing.  “BILL IS HAPPY.”  He is a devoted believer in Jesus Christ and in God’s word.  He is in Heaven. Those things make me happy too.

I believe that there is no pain, sorrow, sadness, or regret in Heaven.  So, if he is happy I am happy!  This revelation had been coming for a few weeks as I realized that eaHeadcvndGod was walking with me through every day.  And as I talked with Him my trust in his ability, and desire to see me through the pain, was increasing day by day. God walks with us through the bad times and as we walk and talk we learn that nothing is too big for Him to handle.  Even our pain from losing a beloved one.

Bill was the love of my life.  We spent 63 years together and were still as wildly in love as the first time we said, “I love you.”   We often said that we were two halves of a whole.  We were one person.  Genesis 2:24 says, “A man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they shall be one flesh.”  Can it get any clearer than that?  One flesh—that’s what Bill and I still are.

Okay, where does that leave me?  I’m half a person and that fact is also causing me pain.  Colossians 2:22-23 tells us we have work to do for the Father.  That we have work to do for Jesus Christ and not for men.  I know God has work for me to do because I am still here and willing and able.  I know I must talk to God.  I must pray without ceasing.  I must put others before myself, which means I must stop feeling sorry for myself and focus on the pain and grief of others—friends, neighbors, acquaintances.  We all have pain and grief from different causes.  By helping them I am doing God’s will.

Talk to God!  “He will show us the path of life.” (Psalm 16:11).  What do you have to lose except a big glob of ugly pain.  Throw it away and put your trust in Him.

Max says, "I talk to God.  He made me".

 

Changes,

Changes come with time. I began thinking I would revamp Comfort Zone and make it into a blog on how time changes us and our lives.

An example would be how my hands started resisting knitting for long periods of time. I found myself knitting bookmarks for friends instead of sweaters for winter, because it hurt to knit.  Things change, oh my how they change!  Life turns on us and fractures us, beats us to a pulp and laughs at our weakness.

On August 9^th I lost my dear husband of 63 years.  The dearest man who ever walked on the face of the earth—I have proof!  So for a blog post that was supposed to be about beginning again, this is appropriate yet heart-rending. 

Changes.  At 1:30 PM on August 8^th I found my sweet husband passed out on the bedroom floor. I stood over him, screaming his name as I dialed 911.  He was already going away from me.  That morning we had been dancing and kissing in the kitchen.  Neither of us could dance but we were great at the kissing part! We knew he had a 4cm aortic aneurysm for approximately 5 years.  The last tests on the 29^th of July showed nothing had changed and the Doctor pronounced him “in excellent health.”  The end was fast and totally unexpected and horrifying. 

Genesis 2:24  says  a man should hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become as one flesh.  Matthew 19: 3-6 “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.”  We were two halves of a whole and now I am only half a person.  I believe it will be different in Heaven!  We will be joined again, but it is for God to decide how that union is accomplished.  That knowledge gives me some peace, but total peace will come slowly.

Love the person you are with and thank God daily for their presence in your life.  Make your relationship stronger everyday and remember that you can’t say “I love you” enough.

Are there changes of any kind in your life?  Let’s talk about them.

 

I'm Late, I'm Late, you know the rest

Well, already I’m behind. (I did say once a week, right)?  I am still catching up from Christmas and tax season is upon us.  I can’t seem to run fast enough.  I know you know the feeling!

I made aprons for the girls in the family before Christmas and that was enough to make me fall behind on the cosmetic bags that I made to hold their other gifts.  (I always give up and give gift cards to the guys).  I went small this year and loaded the cosmetics bags up with anything that fit in the bag like sterling rings, bracelets and necklaces, along with new cosmetics.  By new I mean those things you see in ads but can’t seem to find in the stores yet.  (Amazon does it again).  I also added my contribution to the girls’ safety with these….

I'm fitting in other sewing around work.  It doesn’t matter that Bill and I closed the business 2 years ago we still have five clients who insist they don’t know what we are talking about and “Oh yeah, here are my books and things from last year.  When will my taxes be done?”  We indulge them while we can.  This means that tax season has me preparing financials and Bill working on tax returns and both of us busier than we want to be.  I guess there is something to be said for being needed!

Max is busy finding new places to sleep.  We have released him from his crate and while he enjoys sleeping on the bed—all over the bed, he also tries out new things like the couch, his bed in the office, and my cold sewing room floor. Our bed was always Macy’s place to sleep and she did not share.  So, he went peacefully into his crate every night as if to say that it wasn’t worth arguing about.  Now the world is his sleepy time oyster and he is making the most of it.


Next post I will tell you about my current knitting and crocheting projects.  They do exist!

Life is good.

COMING TO A BLOG SITE NEAR YOU!

Hello old friends and new.  Starting the first week of February, Comfort Zone is being revived.  I will try to post once a week or at least no longer than two weeks.  

Out of necessity I have planned some restructure of the blog in the form of content.  I don't knit as much as I once did.  Now I crochet, knit, sew (a lot) and have jumped into pattern making with a passion.  That's patterns for sewing.

I must be honest and tell you that knitting mostly lends itself to dish cloths and crocheting to afghans.

Wonder dogs Macy and Max would have been ever present as well, however, we lost Macy in August of 2019.  She stayed with us for 18 years and finally told us it was "time."  But Max is holding the fort and staying busy getting into everything that isn't nailed down.  He is an adorable menace!  One of the things I want to share with you in the future is Max's heart.  He cared for Macy during her last years, as her eyes and ears.  Being blind and deaf, she could not find her way back to the house when she went out into the yard.  Max was always there to guide her back in and help get her settled into her bed.  More on this in the future. 

Yea!!!  There IS a future for Comfort Zone.  I hope you will come back or stop by if you are new and share life with me.

Life is good.

Click-Click-Tap-Tap-Bam-Bam-CRASH

That’s the sound of some insidious, evil geek, hacking into and crashing my computer.  It took a week and a few nicer geeks to get things back to almost normal.  Almost!

I don’t think my sweet little computer will ever be quite the same.  I use a big, 17 inch HP laptop, on an angled stand with two fans blowing underneath.  The fans are because it runs very hot. It’s not the kind of laptop you carry around under your arm. 

 It has been helping me with bookkeeping, accounting and taxes for a lot of clients for 6 years.  Then, someone playing games decides to ruin it.  I have Norton Antivirus and an internet watcher called Malwarebytes, but they both missed the offender.  Fortunately I am faithful about backing up critical information. 

You can see in the picture how much I use my computer by the missing letters on the keyboard.  I learned to type on old style typewriters. 

 First an Underwood, then a Remington and a Royal.  I guess I  type on the tips of my fingers as one had to do to make those keys go down, so my fingernails, whether short or long, absolutely ruin the keyboard of every computer I use.  The people at Best Buy wanted to know if I spilled something on the keyboard (lye?).  If it had only been that easy!!

Knitting was my relaxation during this ugly event.  I don’t believe I am going to like the heft of the heavy-weight cotton for a dishcloth.  We will see. 

 I have started the Fair Isle on the hat, but I’m afraid the variegated color sections may be too long to have that stained glass effect.  Again, we will see. 

Baby girl's sweater and soft as a bunny’s tail blanket have been sent off to the new great-granddaughter who was born early last week.

Meet Monroe Kathleen.  She is my Carrie’s 3rd grandchild.  Her son Joshua told me that he felt his mom there.  Knowing Carrie as I do I am certain she was there.

 

Life is good.

Fall Back

Lately things have been smoothing out.  Work hasn’t slowed down at all but I have.  I’ve given myself permission to relax and do fun things like knit and my fall back interest, sewing.  Do you have a fall back?  I know Judy embroiders because I’ve seen those magnificent socks, and Nancy makes the Best. Quilts. Ever.  Kathy could go into the making and selling bears business.

I’m a little confused at this point about which is my fall back, knitting/sewing or sewing/knitting.  I am doing a lot of both!  I discovered a hat last week, printed the pattern and couldn’t wait to start it.  Fortunately I had yarn that I think will work in stash.  It has a stained glass look to it and offers the opportunity to do some Fair Isle, which is one of my favorite things. Back to knitting.

Then I received the flannel from Fabric.com—my favorite online fabric store.  I plan to make another flannel baby blanket, this time for the new boy baby, with a Paw Patrol design on the front and sweet baby blue on the back.

Back to knitting:  I discovered a skein of variegated, heavy weight cotton in stash.  I wondered what kind of dishcloth it would make and of course a knitter can’t ask a question like that without finding out the answer.  Already on the needles!

We are in need of hot pads in the kitchen.  I made a dozen of them to go with the microwave bowls for Christmas but none for us.  So I decided to grab some leftover 100% cotton batting and make some cute heart shaped hot pads to spruce up the kitchen.  More sewing.

Finally, there is the constant and most important dog toy sewing.  Macy and Max are hard on toys and love to pull the stuffing out of them.  (In the picture of the cotton yarn you can see a squirrel's tail which has been reattached to the squirrel).  So I re-stuff the toy and do some heavy-duty sewing along the tear, then toss them on the floor of the sewing room.  The pups have started sleeping and/or pacing outside the door to the room and when they see a toy on the floor there is a mad dash to see who gets to it first.  I usually try to put down two at a time and whichever dog notices it first tries to get both toys into his/her mouth. 

It seems I have a lot to fall back on, and it is working—shoo anxiety and stress!!

Life is good.