Turning It Around

Out of desperation I have tried a lot of different ways to soothe my pain and grief.  For the first two months the stress was unbearable.  I was crying and literally agonizing most of every day. Then I woke up one morning just before Thanksgiving and was struck by a truth that in my pain I had been missing.  “BILL IS HAPPY.”  He is a devoted believer in Jesus Christ and in God’s word.  He is in Heaven. Those things make me happy too.

I believe that there is no pain, sorrow, sadness, or regret in Heaven.  So, if he is happy I am happy!  This revelation had been coming for a few weeks as I realized that eaHeadcvndGod was walking with me through every day.  And as I talked with Him my trust in his ability, and desire to see me through the pain, was increasing day by day. God walks with us through the bad times and as we walk and talk we learn that nothing is too big for Him to handle.  Even our pain from losing a beloved one.

Bill was the love of my life.  We spent 63 years together and were still as wildly in love as the first time we said, “I love you.”   We often said that we were two halves of a whole.  We were one person.  Genesis 2:24 says, “A man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they shall be one flesh.”  Can it get any clearer than that?  One flesh—that’s what Bill and I still are.

Okay, where does that leave me?  I’m half a person and that fact is also causing me pain.  Colossians 2:22-23 tells us we have work to do for the Father.  That we have work to do for Jesus Christ and not for men.  I know God has work for me to do because I am still here and willing and able.  I know I must talk to God.  I must pray without ceasing.  I must put others before myself, which means I must stop feeling sorry for myself and focus on the pain and grief of others—friends, neighbors, acquaintances.  We all have pain and grief from different causes.  By helping them I am doing God’s will.

Talk to God!  “He will show us the path of life.” (Psalm 16:11).  What do you have to lose except a big glob of ugly pain.  Throw it away and put your trust in Him.

Max says, "I talk to God.  He made me".

 

Changes,

Changes come with time. I began thinking I would revamp Comfort Zone and make it into a blog on how time changes us and our lives.

An example would be how my hands started resisting knitting for long periods of time. I found myself knitting bookmarks for friends instead of sweaters for winter, because it hurt to knit.  Things change, oh my how they change!  Life turns on us and fractures us, beats us to a pulp and laughs at our weakness.

On August 9^th I lost my dear husband of 63 years.  The dearest man who ever walked on the face of the earth—I have proof!  So for a blog post that was supposed to be about beginning again, this is appropriate yet heart-rending. 

Changes.  At 1:30 PM on August 8^th I found my sweet husband passed out on the bedroom floor. I stood over him, screaming his name as I dialed 911.  He was already going away from me.  That morning we had been dancing and kissing in the kitchen.  Neither of us could dance but we were great at the kissing part! We knew he had a 4cm aortic aneurysm for approximately 5 years.  The last tests on the 29^th of July showed nothing had changed and the Doctor pronounced him “in excellent health.”  The end was fast and totally unexpected and horrifying. 

Genesis 2:24  says  a man should hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become as one flesh.  Matthew 19: 3-6 “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.”  We were two halves of a whole and now I am only half a person.  I believe it will be different in Heaven!  We will be joined again, but it is for God to decide how that union is accomplished.  That knowledge gives me some peace, but total peace will come slowly.

Love the person you are with and thank God daily for their presence in your life.  Make your relationship stronger everyday and remember that you can’t say “I love you” enough.

Are there changes of any kind in your life?  Let’s talk about them.