In and Out
Did you
ever feel like you were caught in a revolving door? That’s the way every day is when you have
lost someone close to you. Someone you love with every fiber of your being.
Yesterday was mostly calm, peaceful and happy, but today a bank teller said to
me, “I heard that you just lost your husband.
I am so sorry. Please accept my
deepest sympathy.” I thanked her
profusely and held back the tears until our business was over and I was out.
Why tears? You might ask that question if you have never
experienced such an event. So please don’t stop offering condolences to even
total strangers. It is a loving gesture
and will be accepted as such, if not at this moment, at least a later
time.
I have
received a lot of loving gestures. I was
in a deep state of shock and don’t remember much of Bill’s memorial
service. All I know is that when I see a
flag-draped coffin or a Bugler or Honor Guard on TV I crumble in tears and deep
grief. I remind myself that I am
still alive and need to stay mentally sharp.
In an
effort to stay sane and keep my mind from deteriorating while being as active
as possible, I have committed to taking ALL of the online courses offered by
Dallas Theological Seminary. The course
I am currently taking suggests reading a trio of books by Nathan Holsteen and
Michael Sivgel titled Exploring Christian Theology and aimed at teaching us how
we know the Bible is true and how we can convey that to others.
I was
struck by a passage I read today that directed me to Revelation 21. John saw the Holy City coming down from God
out of heaven and then John heard a great voice saying, “Behold the tabernacle
of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, (WOW) and they shall be His
people, and God Himself shall be with them, and be their God.
By the
time I got to verse 3, I was feeling like John was talking directly to me. I have wondered what it is like where Bill is
and where I will someday be as well. And
then in verse 3, I read “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes;
AND THERE SHALL BE NO MORE DEATH, neither sorrow, NOR CRYING, neither shall
there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”
By now
you know I am a believer in Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I believe I will be with Bill again. I believe my days of crying will be
over. I believe that God has a purpose.
I believe
I am almost through the revolving door and ready to be used by The Almighty Father!
