Thirteen years--I said 12 to a friend recently. When I counted I was amazed that I could lose track of even one year. The number doesn't matter, I still can't live through New Year's Eve without thinking about how we were all oblivious to what was approaching that day.
I don't want this post to be a downer, rather a reminder of all we have, the joys and love and laughter, and how important it is for all of us to embrace each and every second, so it is important for me to say that she was happy that New Year's Eve. She was sledding in the beautiful snow with her son and came in to bake cookies for a school program. If there was a hint of a problem it was so small it went unnoticed. And then her heart stopped. It just stopped!! There were heroic efforts to restart it, but that wasn't meant to be. After 3 hours I pleaded with ER doctors to try longer. They did, but nothing worked. Our beautiful daughter Carolyn was gone.
This post is about fresh starts for that is truly what heartbreak presents to us! After the grieving (and grieving touches us for many reasons) we begin to live a little differently, a little slower, in a bit more thoughtful manner. No one was ever loved more and she is still very solidly with us, just in a different way. Our relationship with Carrie has certainly changed but still exists! There is loss but also gain, a pure kind of love that is without recrimination and all about happy memories. A fresh start!
A good thing that has come from this is that Nurse DD#1 has led our family in becoming a driving force behind public defibrillators. We have achieved grants and have pushed for defibrillators to be placed in public and private schools, football fields, basketball courts and arenas. We continue to put emphasis, as a family, on good heart health as well as being aware and being prepared. I ask that all of you, my friends, do the same. Check with your health clubs, fitness facilities, local airports, arenas and make sure they have defibrillators available. Sudden Cardiac Arrest (SAC) happens to approximately 250,000 people a year, most over the age of 40 but Carrie was only 29. Most of those lives could be saved by quick use of a defibrillator.
Carrie is never far away and there are days when I want nothing more than to touch her beautiful face. She would always grab me in a bear hug and say, "Huggy, huggy, huggy." I miss her!
And so starts another year....
A peek into the 2012 knitting basket: bulky cowl, lace edged sweater and socks.