Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Fresh Start

Thirteen years--I said 12 to a friend recently.  When I counted I was amazed that I could lose track of even one year.  The number doesn't matter, I still can't live through New Year's Eve without thinking about how we were all oblivious to what was approaching that day.
I don't want this post to be a downer, rather a reminder of all we have, the joys and love and laughter, and how important it is for all of us to embrace each and every second, so it is important for me to say that she was happy that New Year's Eve.  She was sledding in the beautiful snow with her son and came in to bake cookies for a school program.  If there was a hint of a problem it was so small it went unnoticed.  And then her heart stopped.  It just stopped!!  There were heroic efforts to restart it, but that wasn't meant to be.  After 3 hours I pleaded with ER doctors to try longer.  They did, but nothing worked.  Our beautiful daughter Carolyn was gone.

This post is about fresh starts for that is truly what heartbreak presents to us!  After the grieving (and grieving touches us for many reasons) we begin to live a little differently, a little slower, in a bit more thoughtful manner.  No one was ever loved more and she is still very solidly with us, just in a different way.  Our relationship with Carrie has certainly changed but still exists!  There is loss but also gain, a pure kind of love that is without recrimination and all about happy memories.  A fresh start!

A good thing that has come from this is that Nurse DD#1 has led our family in becoming a driving force behind public defibrillators.  We have achieved grants and have pushed for defibrillators to be placed in public and private schools, football fields, basketball courts and arenas.  We continue to put emphasis, as a family, on good heart health as well as being aware and being prepared.  I ask that all of you, my friends, do the same.  Check with your health clubs, fitness facilities, local airports, arenas and make sure they have defibrillators available.  Sudden Cardiac Arrest (SAC) happens to approximately 250,000 people a year, most over the age of 40 but Carrie was only 29.  Most of those lives could be saved by quick use of a defibrillator. 

Carrie is never far away and there are days when I want nothing more than to touch her beautiful face.  She would always grab me in a bear hug and say, "Huggy, huggy, huggy."  I miss her!

And so starts another year....

A peek into the 2012 knitting basket:   bulky cowl, lace edged sweater and socks.


SissySees said...

What a beautiful tribute to a life so loved.

Luckily, living in the shadow of UVA, we have auto defibs EVERYWHERE. Of course... there was a similar tragedy for a local family that made it happen, but... it saved a friend's friend's life a few years ago.

Can you PLEASE tell me what that "cole slaw" looking yarn is? I think I might need it.

kathy b said...

Carrie must have been a doll. She was yours, how could she not be? Sudden death is so startling. Troy's brother died at age 34 with no warning. I think it still takes Troy's breath away after 20 years.
Your post is now a downer at all. Katherine, I am glad to see some work on your needles.
Perhaps, just perhaps, we'll meet in 2012!
Here's to you blog buddy!

Katherine said...

Thanks Chan! I struggled with weather to write about Carrie in this post but I had to because it is so heavy on my mind at this time of year. I love to hear that the need for defibrillators is becoming public knowledge!!

Cole Slaw yarn--I love it!! That is plain old Lion Brand Sock-Ease in the Sour Ball colorway. I've had it in stash for a couple years and decided it needed to be socks for the new year.

Katherine said...

I am resolving to find a way to meet in 2012!!

Thanks for your kind words about our Carrie. She was a doll--petite and beautiful.

SusanB-knits said...

Thank you for sharing and may your heart be a little lighter with the sharing. I find it eases my heart to share with a friend.

Grace said...

I didn;t know you lost an adult child, and I am so glad to have read your loving tribute to her. she must be so proud of all that you and your family has done!

My word verification is wings--as in angel wings?

Katherine said...

Bless you Grace!

Sarah said...

Losing a child must have been been very difficult. My children lost their Dad about 18 months ago. You never forget, just try to figure out what your "new normal" looks like!